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Loveless marriages

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Loveless Marriages Video

Is Divorce Better Than An Unhappy Marriage? - Paul Friedman

Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash. Loveless marriages can be emotionally devastating for those involved, and so it may seem strange that people stay in them for so long.

Featured image: Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash. Share 2. Pin 1. Like this: Like Loading Filed Under: relationships. What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Copyright Thoughtsonlifeandlove. Kale by LyraThemes. Whenever you raise a concern, does your significant other immediately throw back an excuse without taking responsibility for anything?

Solving problems takes work, which means both team members need to contribute, even if you perceive one person to be at fault for your issues.

Do you find yourself lingering longer at the office than you have to, or spending extra time aimlessly roaming the aisles of Target just so you don't have to go home?

When you're supposed to be enjoying a Netflix binge , are you both zoning out on your phones, or going to bed at different times?

These could be subconscious signals that you're unsatisfied, says relationship therapist and sex researcher Sarah Hunter Murray, PhD. When relationship conflict isn't resolved and becomes increasingly toxic, people start to feel helpless.

You don't know how it will change, and can't see a path forward. Often, the easiest answer seems to be to disengage. It is not actually that easy to divorce , as many couples come to find later.

You may start to fantasize about what life would be like if you lived apart. The vacations you'd take, the way you would spend your time, how you would parent If the relationship is truly in a bad way, "Often, couples will look to milestones like the kids being out of the house as the point where they can finally be released.

Other people wait for financial circumstances like a new job, a certain amount in savings or other material securities to come to fruition. However, they are counting down the days before the key unlocks the door that swings open towards freedom," Bobby says.

Counterintuitive, but true," says Bobby. There is no longer active conflict because people have given up believing that change is possible.

They have been hurt, frustrated, and disappointed so often that they have gotten the message: It doesn't matter what they do or say. So, they stop.

Do you essentially feel numb? People say please and thank you, they work as functional teams to parent and maintain a home, but they themselves are no longer part of the equation in an emotional sense," explains Bobby.

Their partner has, on an emotional level, become the equivalent of a potentially unstable roommate that is best avoided.

For example, they start attributing their relationship problems to an enduring character trait of their partner, like "they're a narcissist" or "emotionally unstable because of their family.

In their mind, their partner becomes an intrinsically flawed person who isn't able to love, or ever have a healthy relationship. Furthermore, the way they think about the entirety of their relationship changes.

If asked to tell the 'story of us' they will often begin by focusing on negative aspects of their early partnership: the red flags they see, in retrospect, instead of the sweet anecdote about when they initially locked eyes on each other, Bobby explains.

As you grow more distant and change your fundamental perspective of each other, there might be a sense of repulsion, or at the very least, discomfort, when you're together.

You may feel like "yourself" when you're away, be it at work, with friends, or even alone. When a relationship is in the final stages of coming apart, people simply do their own thing without regard for what their partner might want or prefer.

They make plans without checking in, they make large purchases without consent, they parent unilaterally.

Work, money stressors, and family obligations have a funny way of sucking the romance out of your relationship. Are you fighting a lot? Or are you just not talking much at all?

People can distance themselves from each other due to stress and then check out—and that can make you feel unloved, Durvasula says. First, take some time to think about why your relationship might have changed and what needs to happen to fix it—if you even know, Kerner says.

Then, consider the following options:. If it seems like time, lack of effort, and being overwhelmed is behind this, counseling can be an important step and a place where you can work on issues like communication, prioritizing, and mindful awareness of the other, Durvasula says.

This may be easier said than done depending on your personal commitments, but some variation of it is helpful, she says.

During that time, think on what that time away feels like. Durvasula recommends going to individual therapy to talk it all out.

It also may be helpful to speak with an attorney or someone else with expertise in divorce on the realistic fiscal and custody ramifications for your state or region, Durvasula says.

If you decide to move forward with a divorce, start to have conversations with your partner about your wishes. Weight Loss. Type keyword s to search.

Today's Top Stories. Clinical studies show contemptuous marriages may even erode the physical health of both partners. Defensiveness is a form of self-protection whereby a person tries to ward off criticism, exposure of his or her shortcomings, or other perceived attacks.

It occurs when one partner feels unjustly accused and uses excuses to get his or her marriage mate to back off. Defensiveness is not a positive communication strategy as it may give the impression that the accused partner will not accept responsibility for his or her mistakes.

It may also cause the critical mate to feel as if his or her concerns are not being taken seriously. A marriage mate who responds defensively may try to place the blame for any mistakes on his or her partner.

While a non-defensive response may lead to better understanding and conflict resolution, persistent defensiveness may cause a situation to worsen if the critical mate does not apologize or drop the issue.

Stonewalling occurs when one marriage partner the listener refuses to communicate or interact with the other. Common behaviors include turning away from the speaker, tuning out the speaker, engaging in a distracting activity, or pretending to be busy.

Stonewalling negatively impacts the long-term health of a marriage as important issues may not be addressed directly.

Stonewalling is typically displayed in response to contempt when the listener feels emotionally overwhelmed.

Sex and intimacy are vital to the long-term health of a marriage. Although men and women both have physical and emotional needs, men are more likely to connect on a physical level while women generally connect more readily on an emotional level.

These gender-related differences in intimacy are linked to the social programming men and women receive as they grow up. Many husbands have sexual roles and standards they set for themselves and these are tied to their ability to please their wives.

In a society where women are raised to be caregivers, wives may require affection and intimacy to feel appreciated and valued by their husbands.

A loveless marriage usually lacks sex and intimacy. For husbands, this may be a major cause of frustration and anxiety. A lack of sex may contribute to husbands losing their self-confidence and feeling insecure about their relationship.

Similarly, wives may become frustrated if their husbands are withdrawn or inattentive to their emotional needs. Individuals who are stuck in a loveless marriage are more likely to spend time away from each other.

While some couples may reason it is best to avoid emotionally-charged arguments and other negative interactions, excessive time spent apart will not help the marriage in the long run.

Instead, this approach prevents couples from tackling issues that may require urgent attention. Unfulfilled expectations or changes in circumstances may cause resentment to build up between marriage mates.

If unaddressed, the emotional bonds between marital partners may weaken and both individuals may drift apart. However, there are effective steps you can take to improve a loveless marriage.

Consider the helpful suggestions given below. It is not uncommon for negative emotions to run high in a loveless marriage.

In some cases, negative feelings may prevent marriage mates from seeing the bigger picture and making wise decisions. If you want to improve your marriage, take the time to evaluate your priorities when you are not emotionally-charged.

Relationship decisions made in the heat of the moment may seem acceptable now but they may also compromise your long-term happiness.

Talk about your feelings, needs, and desires in a positive way. This will help you to voice your concerns while still remaining respectful to your partner.

Can we please discuss something that happened to me today? It is important that you take responsibility for your expressions and actions.

Try to identify the role you play in contributing to your marital distress, apologize to your partner, and make positive adjustments to help remedy the situation.

By acknowledging and addressing your own mistakes, you show your relationship is more important than your ego.

When you have marital challenges, it is usually a good idea to talk things out. However, the type of conversation you have may determine whether or not your relationship remains intact.

Express your concerns, expectations, and commitments without assigning blame to your partner. If either of you has a distinct advantage at home for example, one partner may be the legal owner of the house it may be best to have your conversation at a local coffee shop, park, or another neutral location.

While it can be exhilarating to whisk your marriage mate away to a romantic retreat, small regular expressions of love and appreciation may be more beneficial to your marriage in the long run.

If there is a measure of resentment in your marriage, you may reduce it by listening empathetically to your partner when he or she wants to communicate.

And when your partner allows himself or herself to be vulnerable, your willingness to provide reassuring, supportive responses can strengthen your emotional bonds.

Just as it usually takes time to fall out of love, it may take time to repair a loveless marriage. Patience is key especially when you both have an earnest desire to stay together.

You and your marriage mate may be uncertain if the positive adjustments you make will work or if you can recapture the love you had at first.

Nevertheless, it is vital that you give yourselves enough time to find out. Professional help is available if you are experiencing marital challenges.

You can seek assistance from a licensed marriage and family therapist LMFT if you believe you cannot manage your issues on your own.

A qualified marriage counselor can help you and your partner to identify the underlying reasons for your problems and find healthy ways to resolve them.

Many people who find themselves in a loveless marriage are unsure whether they should stay or leave. Although they likely have serious relationship issues, they may prefer to keep their marriage intact.

If you are undecided about what you should do, taking time to reflect on the pros and cons of staying or leaving may help.

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Loveless Marriages - Are you satisfied with the result?

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